AWAITING YOU

As we are officially full-term, ten days away from our due date, and awaiting the arrival of our sweet babe, I would love to share our journey with you. Whether you are trying for a baby, expecting your first child, joyfully raising babes, or simply here to listen, I pray that these words would serve as love, encouragement and connection to your heart. I pray they invite you in to the raw, the real, and the beautiful journey of awaiting new life in our tiny babe. I pray that they would encourage you that everyone’s journey to motherhood is different and unique, but each one is absolutely beautiful and perfect.

Anticipation & Waiting (Trying for Babe)

We began our journey of trying for baby this past fall. After years of marriage, many moves, my husband completing graduate school, teaching the most wonderful kindergarteners, starting a lifestyle and wedding photography business, and settling into our life in Minneapolis, we believed that God was finally calling us to parenthood. I have always dreamed of becoming a mama, and motherhood has been one of the biggest passions on my heart. I will say that the wait in becoming a mama has had its joys and trials. The joys of doing life just the two of us, embracing adventure, pressing into our marriage, and enjoying one another to the fullest, and while all of those things have been the greatest gifts, my heart has always longed for motherhood. The waiting wasn’t always easy, and some seasons of our marriage were easier to wait through than others, but I truly believe these five years of marriage, just us, were just as God designed, for a reason, for a purpose, all preparing us for our sweet babe. 

So, let’s talk about trying for this baby! While it may have started out as a thrill, as deep connection, as a gift to our marriage, trying every day to get pregnant can definitely start to feel more exhausting than connecting, more of a job than a joy. The spontaneity and joy to creating this babe was quickly starting to lose its luster. I wasn’t prepared for how difficult this journey could be, and the trust and patience needed in my heart, as we awaited those two pink lines declaring that a little life was forming within me. After months of trying, learning my cycle, and becoming more aware of my body, God so graciously gifted us with the new life!

We’re Pregnant (First Trimester)

It was Thanksgiving weekend, as we packed up the car and headed to visit family for the holidays. As we drove across Wisconsin, we had conversations that would instantly turn to tears, with all the emotions (happy, sad, and every feeling in between). I remember my husband graciously and kindly telling me it would all be okay, all the while, neither of us realizing that these emotions were actually hormones filling my body, not yet knowing we were pregnant. I will say, I felt a little crazy not knowing why the tears would fall and why I had such big feelings about things that were just tiny details, but of course, not knowing we were expecting, I was unable to express all of this. The next morning was Thanksgiving Day! We woke up, and again, more tears and more emotions, but this time with lots of soreness in my body, and it hit me, we may actually be pregnant. We had taken a pregnancy test about a week earlier that came back negative, so it was difficult to believe that we maybe were actually expecting a child. I asked my husband to sneak off to buy a pregnancy test (as we were with extended family), and very cautiously optimistic wondered if this may actually be the moment we were waiting for! When he returned, I took the test and almost immediately saw those two pink lines. I began to weep, as our prayers, our hopes, our dreams, were finally coming to fruition. I waited in the bathroom for my husband to sneak in, and with no words, him only seeing the tears of joy falling from my eyes, his eyes too flooded with tears. The way he hugged me and held me is something I will never forget. We were officially pregnant! God was so gracious and so kind to call us to parenthood, a Thanksgiving we will truly never forget. 

The first trimester is so joyful, all the while holding our biggest secret of our lives from the rest of the world. We found out we were pregnant leading up to the holidays, and what a truly magical time to share with loved ones that we were expecting, with every gift we gave, sharing the announcement of our tiny babe. We still talk about how absolutely overwhelmed we are by the love, joy, and celebration from the very beginning of sharing our sweet babe’s life with the world around us. We will never be able to express the fullness of gratitude in our hearts for all those who have come alongside us from the very beginning. We fully believe that parenthood was never meant to be lived alone, and God has been so faithful to surround us with the deepest love and support as we prepare for new life. 

Lastly, in regards to the first trimester, I think we can all agree that no one can prepare you for the exhaustion, the nausea, the hormones this time of pregnancy brings. When everyday ends with falling asleep at the dinner table and surviving on bagels and cereal – the changes that our bodies begin to experience are truly preparing us for the start of motherhood. If you stop at the grocery store, buy a toaster for work and all the things for milk and cereal to keep in the fridge under your desk, just know it’s totally normal. All the cravings, aversions and nausea are real, and all of this too shall pass. And as your bump begins to grow, you may feel disconnected to your body. We all imagine a pregnant bump more like the bumps in the second or third trimester, and eventually your bump will grow and look like that pregnant body you’ve always dreamed of. But in the meantime, in the waiting, give yourself grace that first trimester. Let your bedtime come early, take time to rest and find comfort through the nausea, love on your body through the changes – your body is growing tiny human life, and you are doing amazing, mama!

Let’s Stay Here Forever (Second Trimester)

Everyone always tells you the second trimester is the absolute best, and they are totally right! As the nausea begins to subside for many, the energy returns, and the baby bump grows, this season becomes so magical, being able to truly bond with this sweet babe. During the second trimester, the rest of the world around you finally knows about your baby, and each day, friends, families and co-workers are so kind to check in, celebrate babe, and cheer you on through the journey. You may have never experienced this kind of tangible love, but dear mamas, I so encourage you to embrace it! You and that baby are so loved, and what a true gift to feel that all around you. 

Around this time, you may also begin to feel the baby move, which is absolutely magical. I will never forget the very first time we felt our baby move! We were lying in bed, ending the night praying together, with my husband’s hand on my belly. As he prayed over babe, he felt that first move. Instantly, he looked at me, eyes wide open, asking if that was the baby, and then all the tears. To actually feel that little life growing and moving inside of me, it was incredible. And for every mama, feeling the baby move comes at a different time, and that’s totally okay and totally normal, everything within pregnancy happens within a range! You may feel baby move as early as 15 weeks or like us, it may take longer, based on the position of the baby within your body. Be patient, the time will come when you will feel him or her move, and when you do feel that very first move, it will be absolute magic for you, too. 

If you are planning to find out the gender, this is one of the best surprises that comes right in the middle of the second trimester! And let me tell you, just be prepared for whatever this baby could be. I will never forget the journey of falling in love with expecting a baby boy! From the very start of our pregnancy, we somehow convinced ourselves we were having a little girl (and once you get one gender stuck in your head and heart, you imagine your whole life with that little babe). We went to our 20-week appointment, asked the ultrasound tech to not share the gender with us at the appointment, and asked them to give us a gender card and picture of babe for us to open later that afternoon. To celebrate this moment, we went to our very favorite spot (a bench along Lake Harriet in Minneapolis), and opened the envelope to find out, “It’s a Boy!” Needless to say, we were both completely shocked, and suddenly, I was speechless (and a little disappointed that my very first response was not instant joy). My husband was so kind and gracious, sharing his joy for having a boy and all the amazing adventures that would come in raising a son, but it took me a little bit longer to hop on the boy mama train. We went to get ice cream celebrate (at Sebastian Joe’s in Minneapolis), and I still remained quiet, processing and trying to connect my heart to the idea of becoming a boy mom. I had been raised in a family with all girls, and quickly realized how little I knew about boys and how I truly had no idea what to expect or envision in raising a son. After ice cream, I asked my husband to go shopping at H&M to find boy things (as I thought this would help me to picture our son), and still, the thought of having a baby boy was not sinking in! The next morning, I woke up, and my husband immediately asked me how I was feeling about having a boy, and instant tears. At the time, I was so embarrassed and ashamed that my response wasn’t joy, but within the next couple of days, my heart began to see all the joys that would come in raising our son. Now, I can’t even wait to meet him, to raise him, to love him for life, and to be that boy mama to our son. I will always look back at this time of finding out his gender and laugh, because God always has the best plans and knows exactly what He’s doing, it may just take us a little time to get on board with those plans. I truly believe the best is yet to come and I can’t wait to raise our son! 

Finally, the second trimester will likely bring about hopes and dreams for designing baby’s nursery and the start of planning your baby registry.  Like everything else with pregnancy, all of this may bring you joy, lead you to research more than you ever have before, or feel slightly overwhelming, and each one of those responses is perfectly normal and expected. Throughout this time, my heart was aching to start planning the nursery, but we were in the thick of searching for our very first home. As anyone knows who has searched for a home, this journey is filled with highs and lows, and being pregnant with baby coming, in just a few months, caused us to feel a little extra pressure with the search. We looked at lots of homes, fell in love with many, put in multiple offers with our offers rejected, and finally, we found our dream home in South Minneapolis (all of this happened towards the end of the second trimester of this pregnancy!). When we got the home, we were in disbelief and all we could do was celebrate! With lots of work to be done, we spent the first three weeks, after closing, painting all the walls and all the trims, turning this house into our home. And slowly, his nursery came along, not finished until well into the third trimester. 

And with everything in our home that we were doing to prepare for this baby, I continued to realize that with all of the things we were doing, we likely won’t notice any of them when our son arrives. I encourage you the same, as you plan your dream nursery, research all the things for babe, and create your baby registry, all of those things can be so joyful and so connecting to the start of motherhood, but when that baby arrives, none of those things will matter in the way we thought they did. All that will matter is holding that tiny baby in our arms, I’m convinced that the rest of the world will simply fall away. So, I encourage you to let your heart find joy in those things, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Stay present and connected, and fix your eyes on your own lane and the things that excite you about that sweet baby, the rest will all fall into place!  

The Final Stretch (Third Trimester)

And just like that, the third trimester will arrive- the final countdown to meeting baby! For us, the third trimester has actually been quite lovely. I have been so blessed to continue to feel well and remain mostly comfortable in awaiting him (which I know is not always the case for many women, with many complications and pain that can arise in these final weeks). I have loved finishing the baby boy’s nursery. I have loved waking up each morning with the morning sun flooding into his space. I have loved spending time talking to him, reading to him, and praying over him in his rocker. I have loved updating our pregnancy journals, trying to recount all the joys, all the laugher, and all the little moments we have loved about pregnancy that we will get to look back on and share with him as he grows. I have loved soaking up every last ounce of time with just the two of us, and embracing our family and friends, knowing that very soon, motherhood will bring about all new normals, new joys, and new trials, that no one can every truly prepare you for.

I’m so thankful for the gift of many baby showers filling the third trimester of being able to see so many women I adore, seeking to embrace the gift of their connection, wisdom, encouragement, and love for our babe. With baby showers, many women feel that immensity of joy, while others feel overwhelmed by being in the spotlight or uncomfortable with the growing size of their body and bump. My biggest encouragement is to simply embrace all of the people in your life who absolutely love you, who want to support you, and who can’t wait to love on your baby for life. Let the time you spend at baby showers be filled with connection, sharing your heart and gratitude for the gift that each of those people holds in your life, and will soon hold in your baby’s life. You, sweet mama, are so loved, cared for, and embraced, let those people love on you, and cherish every ounce of time you have with them before this baby arrives! 

As we await the arrival of this babe, and near the very end, all the aches and pains and discomfort of still being pregnant have definitely set in. We’ve researched and created our list for the hospital and finally packed our hospital bags (some women are packed and ready to go at the start of the third trimester and others of us wait until being closer to full-term, putting off packing as long as we can!) We are trying all the natural induction tips and tricks, all the while knowing and trusting that God has a perfect plan for how and when this baby will make his entrance into the world. With the end, comes all the awareness of labor and delivery, finishing our birth classes, reading and researching to prepare for the beginning stages of welcome our tiny babe into the world. We continue our weekly visits to the doctor, and every day, wake up wondering if today is the day this sweet baby will arrive. I’ve gone through waves of feeling absolutely terrified of labor and delivery and waves of feeling complete confidence and peace in knowing that God has this and my body was made for this. I’ve gone through waves of feeling ready for this baby to come today and waves of hoping this baby just stays cozy for a while longer. I believe that all of those feelings are totally valid, but here’s the truth that we get to press into each day, despite every one of those feelings – God does have this, our bodies were made for this, and at the end of our labor story (in whatever our story looks like), our sweet baby will be in our arms and our lives will be forever changed. So, for now, we simply get to wait, embracing our current normal, as we hold it with hearts and hands wide open, ready for our lives to forever change in a moment. 

To our sweet boy, we are so ready to meet you and love you more than you will ever know. We have prayed for you long before you were ever formed, and have spent the past nine months falling in love with all that you are. We know that we will make mistakes and learn wonders as we go, but just know, our love for you is unconditional, deeper and wider than words can ever express. We will spend every moment of your sweet little life seeking to show you that love, to raise you in kindness, empathy, strength and joy, to give you the world, and show you all the wonders within it. God has the best plans for your life, and we can’t wait to be your biggest fans, biggest supporters, biggest prayer warriors, through it all. See you soon, sweet babe. We can’t wait to finally meet you! 

Encouragement for The Mamas

One final word to all those trying for babes, to those expecting babes, and to those raising babes, this is for you. I pray that our journey has made your story feel whole, made your story feel connected, made your story feel important, and has made your story feel fully yours. I pray that every word shared here has let you in to the joys and the trials of our journey in awaiting our sweet babe, that it has made you laugh, and cry, and feel normal in all those hopes, dreams, feelings and emotions you share. I pray that you have seen the real, the raw, the inside of our hearts, and that in response, you are led to more deeply embrace your story, the beautiful adventure that God has called you to, because that adventure is absolutely beautiful and absolutely perfect, and exactly what He has for you. I’m here for you, to love, support, encourage, pray for, and cheer you on in your story, we are all in this together, mamas. Here’s to motherhood!